i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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