your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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