so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
