So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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