absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
