i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize