He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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