maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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