You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
