you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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