i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
