just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
