I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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