Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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