really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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