I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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