He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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