How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
