..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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