he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
