i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
