I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
