found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish you could order shots online.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
