Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
