I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
