Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
