My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
