Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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