I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
