Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
