dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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