Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
