Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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