its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
