Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
