if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
