It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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