he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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