THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
