I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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