I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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