remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
