I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
