we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
