Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
