yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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