yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
