I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
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I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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