I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
