Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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