Dude my mom stole all your condoms
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
