i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
