Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
