dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
