You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
