After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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