Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
