Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
