just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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