In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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