Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
