Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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