This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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