i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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