"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
