I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
