its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
