please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
