Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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