tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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