im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
