I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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