What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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