I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
