Already got asked if we're dating
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
