I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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