I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
